So that sweet disposition I sensed in the hospital went away within a week. Holy smokes. Grace had an extremely sensitive stomach. She was always gassy. She would scream for hours. I paced our front room area for hours while she would scream. Once she fell asleep I couldn't put her down or she would wake up. Gracie was definitely, by far, my hardest newborn. It was exhausting. I was exhausted and recovering from the c section. Brian was exhausted and trying to run the house and care for the other kids. I felt like it would never end. Grace had trouble latching perfectly but was always hungry so nursing was excruciatingly painful. I saw specialists for that. We saw doctors about her fussiness. I cut dairy and chocolate from my diet completely. We would think it wasn't doing anything then I would add it back in and we would debate if she was worse so I would eliminate it again. It was quite the cycle. Those first two months are such a blur. I remember thinking it would never end. I was highly emotional. Crying all the time. ALL the time! Darn hormones. For a couple weeks I battled migraines. The medication they prescribe for migraines while nursing gave me excruciating pain while nursing. I saw a few doctors about migraines. I felt like I was constantly at the doctor. We both ended up with yeast infections which we both had to see doctors about. Blah. Grace would not let me put her down so I had trouble showering, brushing my teeth, getting ready for the day. Unless I could find a dinner I could make in 5 minutes or less then dinner was out. She hated (really hated) the car and her car seat. I was driving to the kids school for pick up and drop off 3 times a day and it was a 30 minute round trip. She would scream at the top of her lungs the entire 30 minutes. My blood pressure would be through the roof the whole time. I slept on the couch the entire first two months with her. It was just easier for me that way. I could hold her there while I slept without worrying I would roll on her and it was easier to nurse her a billion times a night that way. Having a colicky newborn, for me, made it harder to connect with her as immediately as I was able to with the others. I remember being very emotional about that lack of connection. I remember thinking there was no way I would ever be a good mom to Meg and Adin again. I remember thinking I would never be able to cook a meal for my family again. I remember wondering if I would ever shower again. It was hard...the hardest.
Writing this as a backdated post, I can remember this time pretty vividly. The connection concern is not an issue by any stretch of the imagination. That little diva has me wrapped around her finger. I cannot get enough of her. I squish her and squeeze and hold her as tight as I can without hurting her. I am grateful beyond words for that little girl. I am so beyond grateful for a chance to be a mother to another sweet baby. Everyday is amazing. I am in awe of her. I have decided that being a mother and experiencing a new baby is the most amazing blessing of my life. What can I say, I'm passionate about it. Having Gracie has renewed my love of mothering Meg and Adin as well. Not that I didn't love it before Gracie. I very seriously loved it and would pray prayers of gratitude all the time for it, but having Gracie has renewed my passion about it. I now look back on those two months and it was seriously so so hard, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. They say that over time you forget how hard it was and that's why you keep having more kids. Ha, I remember it vividly and would do it again. Why, oh why, must she grow so fast. So incredibly worth it!
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