Heartsick and Updates

I'm a little heartsick today. I always have a little sad nagging in the back of my brain knowing that time with these kids is flying by too fast, but sometimes when certain things are going on it's more than a little nagging. I'm working on closing the door on nursing Gracie. I find that I'm different than a lot of people and thoroughly enjoy nursing my babies. Gracie has been no different. I have cherished the quiet time that I get to go upstairs and nurse her as part of her bedtime routine. The bedtime routine is biting me in the bum bum right now. I never involved nursing in Adin or Megs bedtime routine and it was SO easy to wean them both. Gracie was so difficult in her infant stages that I used nursing as a way to get her to wind down and sleep. I was desperate and apparently became soft in my old age. :) Anways, that's what we are working on right now. I have my cancer treatments looming and she is 15 months. I nursed Adin and Meg to 15-16 months so I have been super blessed to be able to go this long with Grace. I know it's time. Every logical part of me knows and feels it's time, but the emotional part of me is mourning the fact that she is already to this age. She is becoming more and more toddlerish every day. I love her and her cuteness to death, but I'm sad she's grown so quickly. Her first 15 months of life have been a roller coaster on so many fronts that it has made time fly by. Darn it. That's making me more cognizant of time slipping by.

Another thing that has me heartsick has to do with Adin. He is looking older and older to me. Heck, he's getting baptized in November. Darn him. He has asked me a few times in the last couple weeks to tell him about what he was like as a baby. I remember some things but not as much as I wish I did. I tried to look back through this blog and out of the three kids, I did the least amount of recording of him. That breaks my heart. I adored him through all his stages, but I didn't write it down. I can't ever go back. I can only remember the best I can. I'm going to search through the journals by my bed and try to compile everything I wrote down, but I know it's not enough. That kills me.

Right about now, Adin is still a sweetheart. He hasn't made a ton of friends yet in this move and so we are spending a lot of time around each other now that it's summer break. He is still just as tender hearted as ever and I think he still has a sweetspot for me. I love that. He is quite obsessed with video games so we are monitoring how long he is allowed to play everyday. He craves positivity from Meg and soaks it up when she gives it. He loves playing with Grace. He plays with her in the sunroom. He hides in the curtains and when she finds him he runs screaming. I love to hear their simultaneous giggles in there. He  has more energy than the rest of us so he is usually the one to push Grace around on her little car or in the dumptruck.

Meg is as fun as ever too. She has her moments of sass and disrespect, but we're working on that. Overall she is a super big softy. She craves positive feedback and attention. She tries really hard to be good and is too hard on herself when she messes up. She is able to tell when I am frazzled and is great at helping me out when I am. She's in a hurry to grow up and was over the moon when she got her daddy  noticed it may be time for her first stick of deodorant. She is begging to wear a training bra, which I still have not consented to because she doesn't need it yet. She really wants to wear makeup and looks for anything that she thinks may be a reason I would let her wear a little. She looks older to me everyday and is a daily reminder that time is moving all too quickly.

 

Gracie has turned over a new leaf and really likes her daddy all of a sudden. She loves to sit with him at the computer no  matter what he is doing on it. She loves to come grab at your hand and have you walk around with her. More often than not she leads you to one of the doors that leads outside and points at it. She loves to play and be chased, but you can tell it makes her legitimately nervous and she always runs to me for safety. She says uh-oh really clearly with her mouth in the shape of an o and often drops things just to say uh oh. She definitely understands what no no means, but that doesn't mean that she will stop what she is doing. She loves to be outside points at the cats and says Key (short for kitty). Her other word that she know is Da for daddy and it's clear she knows what it means because she'll point at daddy across a room and say da. She loves for me and brian to kiss and tries to push us together. She loves all food. I can't think of anything off the top of my head that she doesn't like. She's actually becoming less picky and will eat most of the things she used to reject like graham crackers and yogurt bites. She does the most adorable run. She get's up on her tiptoes and does this dancy/prancy little run that is pretty much done in place. She walks faster than she runs because her run is all tiny little steps. I've kind of caught it on camera, but not the best.

We've all taken our fair share of pushing her around in this. She will pull it out, sit in it and stare at us waiting for someone to push her.

First try at a swing....not so much. I could tell the belly drops scared her.

She loves walking around with a blanket on her head and we have to follow her and make sure she doesn't walk into things.

 

We found out Brian got the loan repayment we moved down here for. We feel overwhelmingly blessed because many many people try for that loan repayment and few get it. At the same time we felt sad because that means we are locked in down here for at least two years...three if we want to get the loans paid off completely. This transition has been the hardest one we've ever made. We are too much of homebodys to enjoy the pressures that come with small towns. We love the slow pace, but do not like feeling like a spotlight is always on you. We miss the diversity of Salt Lake and we miss the easy access to things. We will stick it out for at least two years and see where things are as we decide the next step.

Next post will be back to vacations...just wanted to jot a few things down to ease my melancholy mood about these darn kids growing up so fast. :(